Strengthen Your Marriage

Results of John Gottman’s research on successful marriages: 

(from “The 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work” by John M. Gottman)

• In their day to day lives, happily married couples are able to keep their negative thoughts and feelings about each other from overwhelming their positivethoughts and feelings. These couples are“emotionally intelligent.”
• The single factor that determines how satisfied both men and women are with their love life is the quality of their friendship.

Gottman found that happy marriages are alike in 7 ways:

1.     Happy couples remember the relevant information about each other’s lives and update that information as their spouse’s world changes.  (Gottman calls this a “Love Map.”)

2.      Happy couples nurture their fondness and admiration for each other.

3.      Happy couples turn toward each other instead of away (by acknowledging each    other’s bid for attention). 

4.     Happy couples let their spouse influence them. 

5.     Happy couples solve their solvable problems.

6.     Happy couples overcome gridlock (they learn to discuss unsolvable problems without being hurtful to each other and learn to live with the problem).

7.     Happy couples create shared meaning (by creating family rituals, setting goals, and displaying symbols that represent their values and beliefs—like wearing wedding rings, religious symbols, family crest, etc.).