In the meantime...
by Julie Duersch
Logan East Stake Relief Society Spring Conference, Saturday, April 20, 2013
I so appreciate your prayers and faith on my behalf. I have felt them powerfully not just now, but in so many sustaining ways as well.
Since my husband died so unexpectedly more than 4 months ago, I have had alot of things to think about. In the early hours of the morning, I have reflected a lot on Heavenly Father’s plan for me. I have come to realize that our loving Heavenly Father has been giving me the chance to prepare for “such a time as this” for a very long time and many of YOU are part of that preparation.
My personal preparation has not come through grand manifestations, but rather through quiet, consistent, everyday things...as I have tried to do the essentials–pray, study the scriptures, keep the commandments, make and keep covenants, have family worship (including prayer, scripture study and family home evening), attend my church meetings, go to the temple, and serve others. By listening to and following the counsel of prophets and apostles as well as our own ward and Stake leaders, over time those experiences have become more than something to check off my “to do” list.
Now PLEASE don’t start thinking that I’ve got everything figured out or that I’m nigh unto perfection. FAR FROM IT! In fact, the more insight I’ve gained, the more I've come to realize just how far I have to go. But the beauty and hope found in growing a testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ is that it's supposed to come line upon line, precept on precept, and if we'll act in faith on what we learn, Jesus Christ and his Atonement will make up the difference "in the meantim."
As I have acted on what I have learned, a little at a time, hear a little there a little, I have discovered that I have been accumulating what amounts to spiritual food storage! That "spiritual food storage" has sustained me in ways I could never have imagined...not only in my hour of greatest need, but before it ever came and beyond. Let me share with you just a few of my experiences.
There have been some key decisions I have made in my life that have made all the difference in the world for me and my family. But, I didn't know it at the time. It's only looking back, that their importance has become clear. I think that's always the case when we're caught in the middle of "the meantime."
The first decision was to marry my sweatheart, Darin. I'd planned to serve a mission, to become a lawyer, and to be involved in politics. But, that wasn't Heavenly Father's plan for me. The answer I recieved to my prayers about whether or not to marry him was the most powerful answer to prayer I have ever recieved. I knew that it was the right thing to do, and I acted in faith. As the years have come and gone, that powerful answer has sustained me through the usual...and the unique...challenges of blending the lives of two distinct people into one. Remembering that answer to prayer has been a strength to me even now, in knowing that I chose to follow His plan for me, that my Heavenly Father is aware of me and my needs, and will continue to answer my prayers no matter the challenges I face.
The second was to go to church even when I had no friends in my ward. I'd grown up in this stake, gone to church will all my friends, and if you asked me what I loved most about going to church I would have definitely answered "hanging out with my friends!" So, when I got married and we began attending another family ward, it was tough. To make matters worse Darin had to work some Sundays! So I had a choice...go to church alone (which I had never done before), or stay home. Although it was very hard, I chose to go to church. Of course I later made friends, thanks in large part to my faithful visiting teachers, but that initial decision to go to church without them has influenced my life, and the life of my family many times over. I was obedient, I was where I was supposed to be, and that has made all the difference in the world.
Third was my decision to make the scriptures a part of my every day life. I made a goal more than 20 years ago as a young wife, to be more consistent in my scripture reading. Keep in mind this was not actually scripture study I was trying to do...just reading! That was something I could check off my list! Now, I must confess that initially this goal was an attempt to bargain with the Lord, asking him to help me lose weight if I'd make scripture reading a regular part of my life. As you can see, it didn't quite work out that way, but the blessings He sent me instead have been of far greater worth to me than a smaller dress size! I kept at my goal. I tried to read every day, and usually did a pretty good job. I'd delve a little deeper when I had a lesson to prepare, but it was mostly reading because it was something I was supposed to do. Every now and then I'd receive a seemingly small spiritual insight and I would store it away in my spiritual food storage. I was pleased to know that I was being obedient and didn't think much more about what was happening to me as a result.
In the meantime, I kept busy as a wife, as a granddaughter, as a daughter, as a sister and a friend. I finished school, and went to work. While Darin worked nights and weekends, I went to the temple with my sweet grandparents and became more comfortable there, not knowing how much I would need that in the years ahead. I plugged away teaching the Sunbeams for 4 years, wondered when the Lord would send us the children we felt ready to recieve.
When our daughter finally came, life got even busier! With my grandparents' help, we got Darin done with school and started on his professional life, welcoming our son soon after. We moved, and bought our first home. We made new friends, served in new callings, and added a second daughter to our family. Two years later we felt inspired to move. We hadn't been planning it, but the impressions were strong and we acted in faith. Things fell into place, and we moved into the home we live in now. Our children grew, going to school in turn, and we added two more sons to the family. Our family felt complete.
In the meantime, there were family responsibilities, callings to magnify, PTA meetings to attend, and challenges to face. There were stresses and strains, ups and downs, triumphs and trials. We got to know our neighbors, made friends at church, and at school and were blessed in countless ways. We watched others experience trials with grace and fortitude, were uplifted by shared testimonies, served and were served in turn.
Then things started to change within me. The small steps I’d taken up to this point had been preparing me in ways I didn’t see for what came next. First, President Hinckley issued his Book of Mormon challenge in August of 2005. We got each member of our family a new copy of the Book of Mormon and I was determined that even with children as young as we had (from ages 1 to 10), we
would read it cover to cover before December 31st!
Now, you should know that I can get pretty zealous about these things. My kids have been known to call me the church mafia and according to them, I’m really good a guilt trips! But, with the inspired guidance of my husband, I was able to calm down and see that what I was determined to check off on my list, was not accomplishing our eternal goal of helping our children learn to love the scriptures. Yes, I finished the Book of Mormon on time (those lists really are a motivator for me), but as a family, President Hinckley’s challenge instead became the beginning of scripture study from the actual scriptures for us. Before then we’d stuck to the “story readers” to accommodate our young children, now we were reading the scriptures themselves, particularly the Book of Mormon. We found our children were ready for that next step. Our 1st grader even improved her reading skills along the way! They became familiar with the words of the inspired prophets of old and
started adding line upon line, precept upon precept to their own testimonies of the word of God.
In the meantime, changes were made to the Enrichment program and I had the opportunity to participate in a Relief Society study group. We studied Preach My Gospel, and shared our insights as we learned together. We read from the scriptures, and the words of living prophets, and found that we knew the gospel better than we thought! We came away inspired and enriched.
Next came the challenges issued by our Stake presidency to prayerfully study the Book of Mormon, and later the Doctrine & Covenants, and seek the Christ. I took that challenge and was amazed at what I found! My obedience was turning to conversion.
Later, my service in Young Women gave me the opportunity to revisit Personal Progress. I decided to earn my medallion all over again with the new requirements of this inspired program. I chose to memorize The Living Christ for one of my value projects. I wrote it out on 3x5 cards and hauled it with me on family walks and hikes. I had my kids quiz me while we walked and talked. We
heard “the sound of the rushing of great waters” as I memorized words from the Prophet Joseph’s testimony of Jesus Christ. What I didn’t know was that while I was memorizing words on a page, the Spirit was helping me fill my mind and heart with an expanding testimony of my Savior.
We attended sacrament meeting each week, and were inspired by the words of our ward and Stake members who had prayerfully considered what they would share, invited the Spirit, and spoke to our souls. They bore witness of the power of the Atonement, of the strength we can receive in our trials, and said words and left impressions that would come back to bless our lives. We took part in Sunday School, Primary, Young Women, Relief Society and combined lessons where the teachers had prayerfully considered their words, drawn on their own experiences, and bore powerful testimony of the value of living the gospel of Jesus Christ. We
didn’t realize that we were being molded and refined.
As you know, last fall, the Stake Presidency organized special sacrament meetings throughout the Stake. We attended, not knowing what to expect, and came home afterward to follow their counsel and complete our worship as a family. As Sister Willmore reported in the Stake Star, things didn’t go as I expected. I
figured we would set some goals, and talk about how we could accomplish them, but instead, Darin, acting under inspiration as the patriarch in our home, chose to share with each of our children in turn, the things he loved about them. He took time to let them know he was proud of their good choices, and encouraged them to
continue to make those choices in the future. The Spirit was strong, and tears were shed. At the time I didn’t know why this was the direction Darin was inspired to go, but despite things not going as I had planned, I felt it was the right thing for our family. We sang songs together and ended with prayer. It was a tender and special
day for us.
Our ward’s special sacrament meeting, was sandwiched in between Stake Conference and General Conference, and for 3 weeks straight we were truly edified and fortified. I felt impressed that so much was said about overcoming trials and enduring challenges. I wondered about what was coming in the world and if I could weather a storm like those that were shared.
Then on December 3, I found out. As I left Hillcrest at the end of a day of school, the little boys and I noticed a fire truck go by, with sirens blaring. Later I was paged to come to the office and ran into my neighbor who said I needed to get home now because the ambulance was at my house. I didn’t know what to expect. Only Molly would be home from school at that time of day, and only for a few minutes at that. What could have possibly gone wrong? As I drove up, I saw Darin’s car. He must have come home early to use some of his excess leave before the end of the year. I went inside to find the paramedics frantically trying to revive my husband’s lifeless body. I went numb, trying to take it all in. Our neighbors
and friends, surrounded us even then. Jim Kemp, having been prepared “in the meantime” through their own family challenges, came with me to the hospital and helped hold me up. Jay and Linda Peterson took care of my distraught Molly and her younger brothers, Jason and Ryan, already having tried to save Darin’s life.
While in the emergency room, still numb, a family friend from the Sheriff’s office came in to make sure we were okay, James Willmore came down from the hospital pharmacy to provide comfort, Scott Larsen came over from radiology to offer help.
Bishop Althouse came to the hospital to lend a hand. Even in this worst possible moment imaginable, those connections made “in the meantime” were coming into play in our lives.Word spread quickly amongst our ward family and friends. Prayers were said in our behalf. Sisters, those prayers were tangible. Faithful brothers and sisters around us went to their knees, sent up spoken and silent pleas, and went to work under inspiration on our behalf. I made the dreaded call to my dear in-laws to tell them that their oldest son was unexplainably dead. Our relationship built with each other “in the meantime” became an instant source of strength.
By then I knew I had to prepare to tell the kids what had happened. Phone calls were made to friends to pick up my high school athletes from practices. At my request, Denise Althouse made sure Hannah arrived safely at the Peterson’s unaware of her dad’s passing. Jenny Willmore picked up Austin and Elliot and
proved to have been prepared “in the meantime” to be just what Austin needed when he felt the prompting that his dad had died and she had to confirm his worst fears. Even though that hadn’t been my plan, it was Heavenly Father’s, and he provided just what Austin needed in that moment. Together they found the place Darin would have chosen to send Austin for a much-needed priesthood blessing. Even their detours in getting there were part of His plan and made it possible for President Shirk and his sons to be home at just the moment when their preparation was needed.
When I got back from the hospital, after saying my unplanned goodbye, I knelt with my children in our neighbor’s home and shared with them my now cemented testimony of the plan of salvation. Words of comfort, gleaned through all that scripture reading, sacrament meeting and conference talks, and the whisperings of the Spirit, came pouring out to provide them and me with much needed comfort. All that spiritual food storage, put aside “in the meantime,” was being used in ways never imagined. Priesthood blessings were received at the hands of worthy brethren, whose own spiritual preparation hadn’t anticipated this situation, yet they were ready.
Dear ward friends went to work cleaning our carpet of the stains left from Darin’s frantic medical care, so we could return home and begin the next chapter of our lives under our own roof. We went to the temple grounds, and outside it’s gates sang songs of comfort and peace, talked about Heavenly Father’s plan, and continued tapping into our personal testimonies developed “in the meantime.”Special friends bore witness of Heavenly Father’s love for us, and provided much needed comfort and hope.
The next few days were a blur, as friends and neighbors prepared “in the meantime,” came to provide guidance, inspired comfort, and aid both temporal and spiritual. Family members joined too (both near and far), and the testimony, gifts and abilities they had developed “in the meantime” were added to those already
around us. More prayers were said, and we felt their sustaining power. The people in our lives, connected through experience “in the meantime” were found to be so much more than happenstance! They were part of Heavenly Father’s plan for us. We were not meant to walk alone. Their diligence, their experience, their inspired action, all came to play an important part in our lives (and they still do)!Words from the testimony born by a dear sister in the Hillcrest 1st ward many months earlier kept me from questioning why. After passing through a time of trial in her own life, she shared the counsel received from her mother when she asked “why me?” Her mother wisely said, “Why NOT you?” In other words, “Why do
you think you get a pass on trials?” Those words, and the witness I received from the Spirit when she spoke them, ran through my mind again and again. Life is a time to learn and grow, and Heavenly Father is the perfect teacher. None of us are exempt from trial. It is through those difficult times, of whatever cause or kind, that he will help us come unto Him. As we pass through “the meantime” with faith, diligence and obedience, doing the everyday things we have been repeatedly counseled to make a part of our lives, we are building up the spiritual reserves we need both now and in the future!
I spent many quiet moments, in the early hours of the morning, drawing on the many little things that had helped me build up my spiritual reserves for this unplanned change in my life. I drew on the blessing of having been born of goodly parents and the privilege of having my sisters grow up with me. I thanked Heavenly Father for my wonderful in-laws who were already a vital part of our lives. I counted the blessing of having my grandparents, and Darin’s grandpa, nearby during the early years of our marriage and family life. I drew on the love my young women leaders shared in word, and more especially deed, so many years
before. I drew on the testimony of so many ward members, past and present, who have shared their growth through life’s trials. I drew on the faith and testimony of friends, placed in my life “in the meantime.” I pondered on the service beyond measure my family and I were receiving. I watched sisters, prepared to take charge,
tap into their talents on our behalf. I watched sisters prepared in their own refiner’s fire share their strength like steel. I watched sisters, not knowing what to say, share their love because that is all that was really needed right then! I watched family members and friends grieve together, and keep their covenants by “mourning with those that mourn and comforting those that stand in need of comfort.” I marveled at the preparations Heavenly Father had put into place in my life and the lives of others for “such a time as this!”
Some time later, and under inspiration, Mary Ann Anderson shared the words from a talk her dear friend had given at BYU Women’s Conference in 2005 after she had experienced the unexpected death of her husband at a young age. Those words helped me clarify what I have felt as I have gone through my own refiner’s fire. She quoted Washington Irving in saying, “There is in every true woman’s heart a spark of heavenly fire, which lies dormant in the broad daylight of prosperity, but which kindles up and beams and blazes in the dark hour of adversity.” Sisters, we build the kindling of our fire within us as we do those everyday essentials “in the meantime."
When I woke up that fateful morning, and went about my everyday activities, I had no idea that all the spiritual food storage built up in “the meantime” was going to be needed before the day was out. I had no idea just how important all the obedience in scripture reading, prayer and service would be. I had no idea how
much I would rely on others tapping into their own “meantime” preparations to act as His hands in bearing us up.
Sisters, we have been given counsel from a loving Heavenly Father to help us prepare for whatever may come. Just like me, you don’t know when you’re going to need that strength and just like me, you don’t know what form those challenges will take.
But, this much I know, we can store up our spiritual reserves “in the meantime” as we are obedient to the commandments, make and keep our covenants, pray, read our scriptures, and do those things which are needful in our Heavenly Father’s plan for us. We can receive guidance along the way through the inspired words of prophets and apostles and the confirming witness of the Holy Ghost. As we come to know our Savior through His inspired words, and our own Christ-like service to others (including service to those within our own homes and families), we will be ready “come what may.” Even if you think you’ve put off your preparation until it’s too late, you need to know that our Savior’s Atonement can cover it all. It’s not too late to act on a prompting, to make a change, or to recommit to living the gospel to the fullest each day. You do your best and He will make up the rest. Even when we stumble and fall, He can lift us up and make us fit for the task before us. And you might be surprised at what you’ve already stored “in the meantime.”
Sisters, I know my Savior lives. I know that His Atonement is central to our Heavenly Father’s plan for each of us. I have come to know that we are truly graven upon the palms of his hands and in the prints of the nails in his feet. I have seen His image in your countenance as you have “gone about doing good.” Even if
you don’t yet see it for yourself, you are daughters of a Heavenly Father who loves you so very, very much. He didn’t send you here to fail. He sent you here to succeed in every way that matters most!
Our lives don’t always go as we had planned, but, as we follow His plan for us in faith, we are truly being fit for His kingdom. All that the Father has can be ours. I testify of these things, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
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